The Incident
I’m a one of 3 women apprentices on the team. But the men get more challenging assignments that advance their careers more quickly than ours. We are discussing how to handle this.
Quick Steps
- ASSERT (in your mind): We are as good as anyone else. We deserve a chance.
- ASSESS: We may ruffle feathers speaking out. Are we prepared?
- ARTICULATE: Examples: [Adjust wording as needed]
“We come to you because we know you can make a difference. Here’s what’s happening…”
“We do not begrudge our fellow union members: we want to give our best to the company …”
“We are not suggesting you do this out of malice…we just know we can offer more… “
“We prove/have proven our reASSERT (in your mind): “I have the right to not be humiliated publicly over this.”
ASSESS: What’s the setting you’re in? What can you say that will address the call-out without starting a chain reaction?
ARTICULATE: Say something. Examples [Adjust wording as needed]:
“You don’t have the right to judge and embarrass me in the name of calling me out’”
“Everyone has their own way of showing solidarity: yours is not the only one”
“We would get more out of this if you took the time to educate rather than put us down”
“While you’re well meaning you may be experiencing what’s called toxic, or unhealthy empathy”
ACT:
Not the time or place? Say nothing. Plan your strategy on how you will respond.
You spoke up? Don’t second guess yourself.
You failed to speak up? Don’t beat up on yourself. Your instinct said an instant response was not best. Speak to your co-worker privately (call-in), using the ARTICULATE points. Suggest an apology in front of the others. If you’re interested, explore a more productive way to raise solidarity.
DIVIGO SUPPORTS
- HELP CENTRE Scenario Solutions/ “Global Conflict has Impacted my Team” (10-minute read)
- RESOURCES/Empathy (multiple resources)
- 5-MINUTE READS/”Exhausted by Toxic Empathy? How about Sustainable Empathy Instead?”
